Book Review: The Island of Missing Trees

The Island of Missing Trees
~ Elif Shafak
Date read: 30th December 2023

***Spoiler Alert***

I loved Shafak’s The Forty Rules of Love – so it was a no-brainer that I would pick this book – I enjoyed the style and I enjoyed the mysterious ancient worldliness that the words immersed me in. More than that, it was always the emotions and sensations that the writing evoked in me.

This book was different, though. From the very beginning I was simply amazed at the simplicity of who was narrating the story! I was repeated in awe at The Fig Tree’s perceptive style. I couldn’t help but smile at the years and years of school essay-writing where we had the option of writing an autobiography. I remember opting to write an Autobiography of a Rose bush – inspired by a question in my trusty Wren & Martin. My Grade 8 English teacher, Mrs. Merlyn, was very impressed at the choice. I remember taking a few days to imagine and then imagine a life some more.

Shafak’s book brought a newfound appreciation to that high school English essay assignment. I could appreciate, with adult profundity, the author’s effort of infusing historical facts, and experiences of generational trauma alongside a deep reverence of Mother Earth and all her inhabitants – birds, insects, the living soil and trees.

I did not want to read this book in a rush – so I did not. I read passages again & again – falling in love with the words & sentiments every time I did that. I reflected on my own life in so many ways through so many words. The words and sentences that left a mark on me – this time I recorded them in my notebook, on my phone, on my e-note app… and in my heart.

‘…because there is one thing I have learned: whenever there is a war and a painful partition, there will be no winners; human or otherwise.’

Fig Tree

The words washed over me repeatedly but some things just needed to leave a mark here in my review. Here was not just a story of lovers separated and reunited. Here was a story of a parent and his daughter, of siblings, of love & betrayal in a war-ravaged country… It was also a more intuitive and sensitive story of the trauma of war that gathers and transfers from generation to generation and in the subtle awareness of the animals and plants who are also the victims – and survivors of war.

‘Truth is a rhizome – an underground plant stem with lateral shoots. You need to dig deep to reach it, and, once unearthed, you have to treat it with respect’

Fig Tree

At first, I quite disliked the Fig Tree. I felt we were going to dip into a weird territory of a tree’s love for a human. I did, however, allow myself the opportunity to be surprised and keep an open mind about where the author was taking me. I’m glad I did. The Fig Trees’ astute and gentle handling of stories and wisdom was beautiful. I think this idea of truth, described through botanical truths, was simply astounding! It made me sit back with my own dalliances with truth – my own, fiery and irreverential respect towards facing the entire wrath of the painful truths in my life… to my unequivocal frustration with those who chose to refused to see and approach the truth and instead embrace a denial that was suited for public consumption. Was truth just a passing fallacy? Or was truth only valid if it suited to maintain the flimsy excuse that we wanted to portray to the world – who had already seen and made their inferences… and honestly didn’t care?

Truth was a rhizome; denial its shadow. Which way were we choosing?

More than the exploration of human pain, sorrow and grief, I was deeply touched by the Fig tree’s mystic wisdom as she gathered nuggets of information and understanding from the many dwellers and visitors to her branches, gradually shedding light on the larger picture for us as readers. The compassion flowing through the proboscis of a butterfly to the futile tragedy shared by the mosquito both giving insight into the intertwined lives Kostas and Dephne and their dear friends.

Contemporary social themes in conservative society – adolescence, self image, cyber bullying, xenophobia, premarital sex, homosexuality, pregnancy out of wedlock… initially made me wonder if they would be brought in simply to include into the narrative. However, as I turned the pages, I realised the depth of human emotion as well as the nature of the human condition were both so beautifully and thoughtfully expressed, they felt like someone somewhere would surely have felt heard.

‘Why are you giving him a second chance? Don’t you know a gardener in love with roses is pricked by a thousand thorns?’ But once again, she didn’t listen…’

Now what do I say about this? I smiled at this. I did, honestly… because in many ways I understood why she was giving him a chance at all – second, third, or maybe the last! But I understood. There is a kind of conviction that we feel when our emotions are strong enough to stand by. Someone very dear to me once said, ‘I stand by my emotions…‘ I do not know how valid those words may ever have been – least of all today with changing circumstances, but had I been the one, I believe I would have still meant them. So why do we disregard or disbelieve another’s belief? Why do we disregard another’s conviction to love beyond a single chance? Maybe because earlier this morning I found a quote that resonated strongly with me on these lines. I share it here… and will leave you to draw your conclusion from it:

There were themes and stories I could relate to – sometimes in what the mosquito shared – she was, after all a victim of the system – but our instinctive repulsion and lasting anger also has its place. The authenticity, yes, that is what it is – the authenticity with which truth, as the different characters saw life and their situations was the glue that held it together for me.

‘Bridges appear in our lives only when we are ready to cross them.’

… and yet, to gather the courage to step on to the bridge deserves a whole new book again. I was led again and again in this book, to feel deeply for Dephne and her courage. I was repeatedly reminded of the fact that it was women, through the centuries up until the present day who embraced the courage to step into bridges of honesty and change while men, in all their endowed bravado chickened out. Women carried a resilience, whether they knew it or not, to either live in insufferable silence because they are denied the choice… or to live on their own terms, once again in insufferable loneliness because they are denied the availability of honor and respect for making that choice. Dephne was brave, and she suffered for it. She crossed the bridge – how I hate that word, having heard it multiple times – and yet, being faced with a reluctant non-crosser, simply because the weight of a ‘what if’ was heavier than the lightness of honesty. I appreciated the women all the more for it.

‘Human remains – what exactly did that mean? Was it a few hard bones and soft tissue?…. or was it the intangible - the words… dreams…, heartbeats…’

‘Humans, especially the victors who hold the pen that writes the annals of history, have a penchant for erasing as much as documenting. It remains to us plants to collect the untold, the unwanted.’

And then, we moved on to grief – an emotion I held closely and guardedly… because it is strange to fully explore, until you realise that the human condition is such that the language of emotions is universal despite the words that tie geographies.

‘You don’t share a language, you think, and then you realize, grief is a language. We understand each other, people with troubled pasts.’

‘Our work is about grief – and memory. And women are better than men at both.’

Butterflies and Bones

‘Sit with that’, I told myself. It wasn’t because of how I was processing my grief – it was because it was blending my process with my work – and how I was often told about my writing meeting people where they were at. Was it because of the Universal language of love, heartache and grief? Maybe so… but the next set of words encapsulated all the emotions and feelings of unspoken words and sentiments. The hurt that remains trapped in one’s heart simply because there is no way to pour them out – no ear to listen to them, no arms to embrace the chest that was bursting with them… no one to hold them delicately as they threatened to spill out, and hence remained unspoken and festering… always, always misunderstood for misplaced anger. Never being understood as an angry sound only and only of the heart-wrenching pain that underlie them.

Behind her sudden anger were all the words that had been left unsaid between them, swirling inside her soul like unsettled flakes in a snow globe.

Butterflies and Bones

There’s more, a lot more before this books comes to a close. But honestly, I do not want to finish this book at all! I want it to go on & on and want to savour it for many more months.

The Island of Missing Trees is perhaps the most beautiful writing I have come across in a long while. It has a maturity that defies simplicity. It is not a heavy read, yet it gently caresses your heaviest of emotions and validates them with the sweetness of a ripe fruit offered by The Fig Tree. I was reminded of the multiple facets of situations in life and the choices we are presented in youth and as adults. I was reminded of the reality of love versus a compromise – or even a compromise for the sake of love and the courage it takes to love beyond the strictures of societal stipulations and limitations.

I was reminded of the power of truth to liberate us versus the power of a threat to hold on, bind and suffocate.

And then I was reminded to breathe, because after the longest inhale, it was definitely time to exhale.

This must be one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. I started in 2023 and just could not bring myself to finish it at my usual pace. I delayed the end by re-reading entire sections and chapters simply to savour the beauty that the pages poured out.

In many ways I felt like the closure was just like life it – without finite starts and ends. I also saw the book as an opportunity for me to pause, multiple times within a paragraph even, to reflect on my own experiences. That to me, is the essence of a powerful story – the ability to make both transport the reader to another world – or to transpose themselves into the story and explore the therapy therein.

It isn’t easy to dip into the shoes, or roots, of a tree, but here the ease to slip in and out of human form, generational differences, war, strife, xenophobia…. and even the metaphysical!

I’ll leave you to definitely pick this book up and read the story of Ada, Kostas, Dephne and The Fig Tree and truly hope you fall in love with it just as hard as I did.

Rating: 5/5

Book Review: Ichigo Ichie

Ichigo Ichie

~ Hector Garcia & Francesc Miralles

Date read: 13th January 2023

I’d seen this book in various bookshops and online stores, but I heard of it in a theatre workshop when our director spoke of it. Needless to say, I was intrigued to find out more and I think this has been a much needed read for me to segue into 2023 after an immensely volatile 2022.

I believe that ideas, thoughts, teachers, students, people and books, all come to us at a time when we need them; when we need to pause and listen to an idea that can support us as we navigate and transition through challenging situations. Ichigo Ichie did that for me.

A small and easy to read book – I took five months to read it.

Annual book reading challenges often bring out the competitive streak in me. What should be the ‘joy of reading’, ends up being a race against time – quality being compromised over quantity – even if you choose to read just a handful of quality work. One thing this book allowed me to discard is the urge to sign up to reading challenges. It also created sufficient space for me to drop the guilt of not logging or even completing my 2022 reading challenge.

I read a number of books last year. Uncharacteristically, I didn’t complete most of them. And I am okay with it. I enjoyed them in that imperfect readership.

I also enjoyed not really knowing what happened in the end of some of the books!

I think I enjoyed the pages while I read them – possibly knowing that in any particular moment, I read and absorbed exactly what I needed – and that moment of comfort from the pages of that book would never return.

Well, it also wasn’t just joy and comfort.

A couple of books that I read brought me to feel extreme discomfort too! One surfaced visceral disgust in me at the author’s attempt to empathize with pedophilia. Another unsettled me deeply at the inscription that was handwritten in the book – an inscription that rattled me every time I opened the book; reminding me of a history that accompanied that inscription. In the end, I refused to read the book at all.

You may be wondering if I am actually reviewing Ichigo Ichie or reminiscing about other reads of the year. I think it is both. While I was immersed in the pages of Ichigo Ichie, I paused many times to reflect on how I felt in the past – with relationships and experiences – as well as savoured fully the richness of the moment I was in while holding the book in my hand.

Savouring the book included the beautiful textures of the cover, the images, the pages, the font – the totality of this beautiful little pastel covered work of art that intended to touch the life of the reader in a deeper way.

The book impressed me in many ways – mostly with the simplicity of approach and of bringing the power of attention into focus. It helps us to explore the potential within a moment by using the power of our senses and conscious choice. I found myself considering the exercises within my personal and professional relationships too.

There were many things that I knew already – occupational jargon & pre-existing knowledge. But there were plenty more that I saw differently, that touched my heart & soul like a balm. That made me feel present and also introspect on areas and relationship where I could do better – much better.

This book & the practices it shares, is applicable to all relationships and settings – from personal to business… and beyond. The book gave me a feeling of hope and joy – that there is hope is the greatest gift of all! I loved it… and I think it might be a frequent giftable too.

I hope you take a moment to enjoy it and share it onwards as well.

Ichigo Ichie

Book Review: The Psychology of Money

The Psychology of Money

~ Morgan Housel

Date read: 25th January 2022

**Spoiler alert **

I read sparingly in 2021 – let’s just say it was a busy year… And this year, my reads have already started on an interesting spin. I was lent this book with the hopeful instruction, ‘I want you to read this book…’ so, well, I did. Considering this isn’t a genre I would usually pick, it was perfectly aligned with my intention to bring in diversity to my reading list. Additionally, I’d say it does call in for a little extra effort when the suggestion comes from an industry insider as well as, ahem, someone who has slowly inched their way into a heart space (sigh! – different blog, another time, another blog space for that..)

Anyway… I had read a couple of Housel’s essays that were sent to me before receiving this book. I liked the style of writing – it reflected my own writing, reading & comprehension. So I welcomed the book as it didn’t seem overwhelmingly burdensome to read for a industry outsider. However, apart from the accessibility of the content, what really impressed me was that the book really spoke more about my core subjects – life, humanity and philosophy – than finance! In fact, the deeper I got into the book, the more I found myself wanting the person who offered me the book to read it!

These were nuggets of wisdom that were so beautifully presented within a ‘money’ context! It warmed my heart to find some concepts strongly resonant with my own talks on yoga & philosophy; it was a wonder that ideas around money and investments were alienated from so many people just because of ignorance. Yet, money could easily be as much a source of security as joy and for all the right reasons – that do not include greed and gladly encourage humility.

So here are some key lines from the book, although taken from a finance, money & investments context and life’s perspective that made deep impressions on me:

You don’t need tremendous force to create tremendous results.

This is the Law of Least Effort, isn’t it? To start the book with this message had my instant attention. Reason? Over the years, I have figured out that I always, always envisioned struggle to achieve a successful result. I looked at any situation and could visualize the most complicated way out. The positive side of that attribute is that I am brilliant in crises and can almost always see the way out. But in the long run, I think it helps to be cool about things and realise that not all results needed tremendous force. Easy effortlessness was a really good way to start taking steps towards financial strength & independence. I liked that. Let’s go!

And just as quickly came in this truth bomb!

Getting money is one thing. Keeping it is another.

So yes, I think it was the right book in the right hands!

A mindset that can be optimistic and paranoid at the same time is hard to maintain, because seeing things as black or white takes less effort than accepting nuance.

Interestingly, there was nuance to both optimism and paranoia in the author’s perspective – calling for a healthy dose of paranoid optimism or optimistic paranoia – whatever the case may be!

He associated good times with the end of bad times.

Ok, I took this one a tad personally. I was once asked to think about the ‘good times‘ in my past relationship and the realization that my good times were just when there weren’t any bad ‘walking on eggshells’ times was gut wrenching. This association with money about one’s relationship with money and finances caused a deep shift to identify my own approach to moolah.

When you accept that tails drive everything in business, investing and finance you realize that it’s normal for lots of things to go wrong, break, fail, and fall.

Something I’ve learned from both investors and entrepreneurs is that no one makes good decisions all the time. The most impressive people are packed full of horrendous ideas that are often acted upon.

… in most fields we only see the finished product, not the losses incurred that led to the tail-success product.

These words! Literally, these words! As an entrepreneur, as a mother, as a woman – these words were akin to the Holy Grail! We were all looking to chase the finished product and pay little attention to the effort, sacrifices, heartbreak and losses that preceded.

The highest form of wealth is the ability to wake up every morning and say, ‘I can do whatever I want today.

Control over doing what you want, when you want to, with the people you want to, is the broadest lifestyle variable that makes people happy.

But doing something you love on a schedule you can’t control can feel the same as doing something you hate…. Psychologists call it reactance.

Control… being in control…. the need to bring stability and control in a life where things often went out of control and without any warning! Sometime last year, as I was restructuring my business with a friend who was helping me in the process, in a matter of weeks I started feeling joyless. The very work that I loved doing felt like a chore and I felt a kind of weariness every single time I had to think about the month ahead. I thought it was burnout – it might have been a little bit of that – but what it was more was the fact that I was running on a schedule that was not in my control. The resistance I felt viscerally was appalling! The moment I associated financial health with the similar control to situations that I needed a semblance of reined in, the entire field seemed less daunting and a little more palatable.

When you see someone driving a nice car, you rarely think, “Wow, the guy driving that car is cool. ” Instead, you think, “Wow, if I had that car people would think I’m cool. ” Subconscious, or not, this is how people think.

If respect and admiration are your goal, be careful how you seek it. Humility, kindness, and empathy will bring you more respect than horsepower ever will.

Modern Capitalism makes helping people fake it until they make it a cherished industry.

I had to laugh at these words – not in condescension, no, but in gratitude. With my son studying Business, I often wondered how to navigate the fine line between capitalism and humility. These were powerful observations that were so obvious, we had noticed it ourselves and have made for great conversation topics multiple times. I have enjoyed these perspectives for bringing mature conversation to the table with my children – they have actually stimulated my thoughts as well with a more youthful point of view and an opportunity to revisit my own preconceived or experiential notions.

Intelligence is not a reliable advantage in a world that’s become as connected as ours has. But flexibility is.

Aiming to me mostly reasonable works better than trying to be coldly rational.

If fevers are beneficial, why do we fight them so universally?

I don’t think it’s complicated: Fevers hurt. And people don’t want to hurt.

Now, this wisdom started to take a more inward turn for me. It was less to do with money and more to do with attitude… and conditioned mindset. At this point, the messages started to feel very emotionally tugging, and started to invite me to think less about myself and more about attempting to understanding someone else’s reluctance to choose: ‘and people don’t want to hurt…’ That one cut deep.

Realizing the future might not look anything like the past is a special kind of skill that is not generally looked highly upon by the financial forecasting community.

The correct lesson to learn from surprises is that the world is surprising. Not that we should use surprises as a guide to future boundaries; that we should use past surprises as an admission that we have no idea what might happen next.

See what I mean? I wanted to scream these words from the rooftops! I wanted to make banners of these and send them out to all and sundry! I wondered why past experiences were considered to be cast in stone – as if the outcome of past risks and incidents were meant to replicate without any new variables to be considered. As if all players in every instance were one and the same and similar in outlook and contribution.

Then I remembered the control factor & realised how much I had evolved as a person. Today, I was more open as an individual and willing to embrace the surprise element in life. I also realised that life that gently presented me with a kind of courage that spelt, ‘Bite me!’ – a defiant daring that allowed me to flirt with risk to see if there was anything worthwhile from the experience. These words were mine and I was willing to fully back them with an entirety of acceptance.

You have to plan on your own not going according to plan.

The grey area – pursuing things where a range of potential outcomes are acceptable – is the smart way to proceed.

The idea is that you have to take risk to get ahead, but no risk that can wipe you out of ever worth taking.

And there were these words of caution as well. You see, I was actually swimming in some dangerous waters of late and there was substantial risk involved. It meant some careful consideration of what was at stake and clearly, a discerning look of if it was worth it. These words of caution were something I was not really willing to take fully. It felt painful to even consider them. Was that my money quotient as well? I don’t know… I wasn’t really thinking money at this point, but it was really disconcerting. What did this mean? Was I throwing caution to the wind?

Sunk costs – anchoring decisions to past efforts that can’t be refunded – are a devil in world where people change over time. They make our future selves prisoners to our past, different, selves. It’s the equivalent of a stranger making major life decisions for you.

And yet, I was reminded about being willing to take a risk and not decide based on historical incidents.

Expecting things to be great means a best-case scenario that feels flat. Pessimism reduces expectation, narrowing the gap between possible outcomes and outcomes you feel great about.

An appealing fiction happens when you are smart, you want to find solutions, but face a combination of limited control and high stakes.

They are extremely powerful. They can make you believe just about anything.

At this point, I wondered if I was yoyo-ing through what messages I was picking from the book after all. Was I being fancifully optimistic (and naive)? Was I just not reading the writing on the wall? Was I being taken for a ride? Taken advantage of?

Was I going to consider this as a book about money, finances and investment? Or was I going to read between the lines and derive meanings to apply to my personal philosophy? Was this not a look at money through the lens of life and the wisdom of relationships? Wasn’t this an exploration of attitude, relationship and mindset – a look at oneself and our approach to both money, situations, circumstances and ultimately our relationships – with people and money?

This book touched me in many ways. It didn’t really give me clear cut solutions but it did soften me up to speaking about money in a language I understand. It helped me to relate to money as a way of life – the way I see life.

My rating 4/5

Book Review: Purna Vidya

Purna Vidya

~ Swamini Pramananda Saraswati & Sri Dhira Chaitanya

Date read: 15th December 2020

For a crisp, clear and straightforward explanation of the various concepts and principles of Hindu Dharma, I think this is a great resource & guide book, especially for me as a parent. I have been curious about some of the Dharmic principles that are taught formally, but the Samanya Dharma that usually is absorbed within families and communities – the ones that are taught are intrinsic values of human life and existence were something that I felt were beautiful placed in Purna Vidya. To be able to relate values through story telling or even to clarify certain ideas and methods to explore the ideas is something many parents, educators and caregivers struggle with.

Purna Vidya was a wonderful presentation of values, Vedic principles and topics pertaining to our culture, heritage and literature. I was fascinated and excited to have a resource that could spotlight curious questions and present sufficient knowledge that would both satisfy initial curiosity of adults and children alike as well as encourage deeper inquiry, reasoning & discernment.

This book is a great addition to a family book shelf – especially one with young children, as a guiding resource.

Book Review: Bombay Balchão

Bombay Balchão

~ Jane Borges

Date Read: 6th May 2020

I had my eye on this book ever since I saw two friends read it. So when it was available on Kindle Unlimited, it was only fair to grab it and read it pronto.

The book is interesting in a quaint way that I could immediately relate to. It was the first time I was reading a book so close to my culture and including the history of my community! The book is a Goan community story, but the fact that there was mention of Mangaloreans and our history and the usual joke on historical rivalry between the two communities with the evergreen ‘Who are ‘better’ – Goans or Mangaloreans?’ made it important enough as a validation!

Annette’s parents, though, weren’t convinced about their daughter’s choice of husband. Reason: Joe was from Mangalore…

Still, the spirit, the references, the language, the lilt that I could hear in the Konkani (markedly different from Mangalorean Konkani & written in roman script too) was so familiar, I felt that I was right in the middle of a Catholic colony in Bombay.

It was refreshing and grounding. At the same time the storyline was fairly engaging. An intertwining of a small community of Goan settlers in Bombay – a story of love, life and death with all the eccentricities that small intimate, communities have. I particular was impressed with the author’s eye for detail around the nuances of Goan culture – dress style, church attendance, and the unapologetic realness of the characters.

Human behavior was not glossed over just because the author was writing about her community.

They had started absorbing foreignness into their system—dressing, eating and sounding like the Latins. The Mangaloreans, proud rebels that they were, saw this life of convenience that their cousins had chosen for themselves as far too easy. Even centuries on, this back-story forgotten, the resentment continued.

Michael, largely the central or omnipresent character in the book, has a role to play in connection to many of the others in the story – his sister, wife, best friend, neighbor, parish priest, unrequited lover and many others.

The author also has made well researched inclusions of actual history of the migrant Goan, Mangalorean and East Indian communities as well of actual documented events. It often made me want to go back to Bombay and look for Cavel on D’Lima Street and feel the vibe in person. However, in one or two places, the history felt like a text book and a bit too heavy for a light read like Bombay Balchão.

The specific description of the Goan Catholic Club made me remember the old Church Hall in Kuwait where wedding receptions were held before the venues moved to star hotels. The seating arrangement was described in such perfection that I could almost see my ‘flower girl’ self in many wedding receptions of my childhood walking through the rows of chairs with my girlfriends, distributing confetti to the gathering crowd to shower on the couple as they’d arrive. It also reminded me of boiled chickpeas that used to be served as snacks – so strong was that memory that I actually boiled chickpeas for a snack for us yesterday!

I was touched deeply by the author’s inclusion of the realities of abuse that went on in Catholic families forever, yet hidden and hushed behind closed doors because, quite possibly, ‘till death do up apart‘ was a thing! I always speak about all our families who endure domestic violence, alcoholism, infidelity and extra marital affairs but keep on the facade at the church gatherings and community events – the larger community all complicit in the ongoing violence and drama but helping the couple patch up with, ‘all will be well, just pray to Jesus!‘

He had seen his daughter being thrashed in his own house by his drunk son-in-law, and it had affected him badly.

And then the author presented yet another gem – the Indian obsession with fair skin!

The obsession with white skin—paklos, as fair-skinned people were called in Konkani— was a trait that came with being Indian and most importantly, Goan.

Although, I don’t think it is just Goan.

Anyway, the book was a happy read. Easy on the eye and simple on the mind. It felt like a balm to this Mangalorean soul – familiar, simple and honest. I was pleased with the grammar and the zero typos – this would be a book to proudly share – decent storyline, well researched writing and a good grasp of language and vocabulary.

My rating: 3.5/5

 

Book Review: How The Grinch Stole Christmas

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

~Dr. Seuss

Date Read: 10th May 2020

I love Dr. Seuss and last night, as I was enjoying a Mother’s Day game of UNO with my kids, I spotted this book on their shelf & pulled it out. It brought back fond memories of when they were younger (they’re 17, 13 & 10 now) and the fun of rhyme & alliteration and my theatrics and voice modulation.

At the end of it all, it was my 13 yr old who lay on my arm as I read the book to her, far away from Christmastime – in the Bangalore May heat – and cuddled her as she listened in rapt attention just like when she was a little toddler.

It was an unplanned Mother’s Day celebration. Nothing more to add, just this. And it’s OK that it isn’t technically a book review!

Book Review: The Courtesan, The Mahatma & The Italian Brahmin

The Courtesan, The Mahatma & The Italian Brahmin

~ Manu S. Pillai

Read: April 25, 2020

This was a great read! I loved it!!! I’m already giving it a 5/5.

Firstly, I LOVED this author’s grasp on language & vocabulary. The book is  brilliantly edited & it was a joy to read without any typos or misprints. The illustrations in the book was as much fun as the narrative. In particular, I found a kinship simply with the use of dry humor and well placed sarcasm in numerous essays.

Beyond that, the theme of the book itself was something I was very interested in – essays, legends and lesser known stories from before & during the British Raj.

The choice of essays were great! Particularly, it was interesting to read about strong and powerful women making a dent in the patriarchal stronghold of society back then. I enjoyed reading the blend of feminist ideas of yore blending alongside Bhakti movements and the rebellion of the marginalized societies. The vis-a-vis stories of Chokamela as a ‘low-caste’ spiritual aspirant versus the rebel Brahmin, Basava of the Lingayat community were interesting parallels… especially the political agenda of the majoritarian pull of the ertwhile rebel community!

…as many Lingayats contemplate a second divorce from the Hindu fold, it is the Hindus who seek to retain Basava’s children within their order…

The tug of majoritarianism kept surfacing along with numerous references to what is hte hottest topic of present times – and perhaps longer – the communal antagonism of two of India’s most volatile communities – the Hindus & the Muslims.

What really struck me as most interesting was the well researched understanding of how the communities kept highlighting their identity as opposed to their religion. It put a very bitter taste in my mouth as I remembered the frequently used headline “Hindu khatre mein hain” or “Hinduism is in danger”.

This could be one of the single most dangerous idea that is being propagated in India and across the world. The sentiment is constantly promoted & rubbed into the psyche of present day Hindu sentimentality & emotions that even history is distorted to make them blood thirsty against non-Hindus. I recall numerous uneducated comments randomly throwing incendiary remarks against the Mughals and that the ‘muslims have raped our women and killed our ancestors’ and justifying this ‘moral outrage’ because of our generational massacres.

While the loss of life is not being denied, the truth of the social structure of the time is presented. This is important because most present day ‘nationalists‘ tend to decide the history & actions of centuries past in the context, mentality, consciousness (or loss of it) through a present day filter. This is naive & misleading.

The history of the Deccan shows that in actual fact, while rivalries existed, the world was not perceived in terms of communal acrimony as we understand it today.

While numerous Mughals culturally blended with local Indians of the time (Hindus), equal numbers of Hindu princes engaged likewise socially, culturally & politically with the Mughals. In fact, it was more often than not, a political decision instead of a blanket hatred against all Muslims. While Vijayanagar princes were not in favor of the Deccan Muslim kings, they engaged in political & matrimonial links with the Mughals probably for political clout.

While ‘simplistic reading’ gives readers the impression that ‘the Hindu king saw Muslims as enemies’, we can see many Hindu rulers who fought against other Hindu kings and sided with Muslim rulers!

…while thousands of Marathas fought in the tragic 1565 battle, their swords were raised not in support of the Hindu rulers fated to fall, but of Muslim kings this side of the Tungabhadra.

While I say this book made my own beliefs &  understanding of present day communal strife a sense of righteous settlement, it also saddened me to think of the numerous Hindus who have set their identity aside but who consistently work to push the idea that Hinduphobia is a thing… and actively recruit volunteers to ‘fight’ against their fellow citizens in Hindutva zeal.

In fact, the supremacy and majoritarianism is repeatedly highlighted and instances from many centuries ago are brought in as essays to drive home the point.

The story of the great Sufi saint, Kabir, who was is equally revered by Hindus & Muslims is one where the Hindus eventually set

Funnily enough, despite being a Muslim, Adil Shah who was a strong supporter of Hindu philosopy and Christian beliefs, found his epitaph to correct the apostate life he lived by ensuring it read that he was certainly not one of the idolators, while his life & surrounding were ‘bursting with Hindu influences.’

I loved the stories from Kerala – be it the unjust plight of the Namboothiri women or the legend of the Varuruchi Mappilas or the matrilinear Nair bloodlines or the Calicut prince who insisted every fisherman family raise one son in Islam to be able to engage in maritime trade. The cultural diversity was profound – until the Portuguese imported mainstream bigotry into the mix. The Mappilas, having been decimated and refused marine trading rights & losing their income to become tenants of Hindu lords, went on to prove that limited economic resources, pushed the oppressed minority into the arms of extremism and violence.

As a yoga teacher and constantly seeing the discussion of Sanskritization, there is this wonderful passage:

“If English had never picked up, India’s elite may still have been speaking to one another, across divides of region, religion and language, in an equally foreign tongue born in faraway Iran, though among the top layer of brahmins in temple towns, Sanskrit may have remained in place, serving as the language of philosophers and high-caste monks.”

“Indian philosophy and art would have proudly travelled beyond its frontiers, and ideas from the rest of the world would have received their usual welcome in India.”

What are we arguing about after all? We’re arguing in English for the supremacy of a language that, well, was neither ever the popular, the colloquial or vernacular. I still think of habitual Islamophobes who think that reclaiming Hinduism is just a matter of decolonization when it likely was the Mughals who were responsible for a lot of cultural exchange and proliferation.

The various anecdotes of eccentric Mughal kings and notoriously powerful women leaders and even men and women of grit & substance – often lost and forgotten in dusty unmarked tombs in foreign countries left me impressed and tickled proud. Our history is definitely colorful and so worthy of shaking the boots off the stiff British upper lip.

There are numerous references to our ancient & seemingly lasting penchant for misogyny, patriarchy, majoritarianism & feminine oppression too. Essays from an exploration of the Kamastura to an indication of the Harishchandra’s edition of India’s first women’s journals, ‘Balabodhini’, but successfully neglecting his wife.

I found this one repartee, particularly hi-five worthy from C.N. Annadurai:

Gandhi, in fact, went to the extent of advising south Indians that the ‘Dravidians being in a minority… they should learn the common language of the rest of India’—a patronising remark that inspired C.N. Annadurai to quip that by this fallacious logic of numbers, the best candidate for national bird in India was not the minority peacock but the majority crow.

And then we have all the elements of Victorian morality and the beliefs of British that assumed the infuriating right to rule and civilize the natives. There were many instances where I gritted my teeth or even was angered to the point of tears just reading the superiority dripping from quotes and thoughts. “How?!” “Why?!” & “Argh!!!” make up many of my Kindle notes in these sections. That, and of course, their abject racism that in every way equated and supported the casteism that was already an established social structure in India.

“It was the entrenchment of British power that made racism unofficial state policy”

Where do I start? Oh! Where do I end? This book has been like a balm to my soul in this work against White  Supremacy, but it has also deeply saddened me at the reality of what we are faced with. It hurt deeply to think of what my ancestors have experienced at the hands of people who were welcomed to come & trade with the riches of the country. We were looted, pilfered, robbed. India’s development was never a priority of ‘rulers’ who intended to ‘civilize’ – the railways were important to transport riches as opposed to irrigation and education that would have helped. The existing casteism & ideas of Brahmanical supremacy helped them to continue the ‘Divide & Rule’ but the ridicule, humiliation, flogging and looting of the people of this country their took over – gosh! I tear up even as I think of the notes that I have highlighted here.

Sir Arthur Cotton’s thoughts “The British brought ‘disgrace to [their own] civilised country’ by their ‘grievous neglect’ of India.” touched a nerve. It isn’t new when we hear many from the Western world mock India & speak of her today as a developing country after looting our wealth, neglecting our development all by way of thinking that their whiteness was a token of superiority and supremacy after having traded with us for years. Overstaying their welcome. Atithi devo bhava, indeed.

This pain is nauseating. It is real. And so it my anger. I’m not sure if I am reviewing this book at this point or just venting my frustration!

‘There never, perhaps,’ concluded Macaulay, ‘existed a people so thoroughly fitted by nature and by habit for a foreign yoke.’

Although there is reference to British likely having planted thought in the national psyche that the ‘main instrument of mischief were Mahomedans.’, eventually it was a sense of ‘India for All’ & a sense of ‘belonging’ to the nation that took root – unlike the Hindutva ideology that sought to decimate & remove from citizenship Indian Muslims & Christians (sadly, this is what they currently look to establish too!)

Here’s another kick to the desi gut:

“And India, this new generation of Englishmen decided, was not only never great, it never could be.”

 

Eventually, for an unlikely & complex melange of diverse people from India, it took a common enemy to come together to fight for freedom. This is an idea that the author does explore in the afterword – a necessary discussion in present times when the idea of a Hindu Rashtra once again questions the feasibility of isolating the country’s minority in favor of a majoritarian Hindu land. Only, they undermine the multiplicity and pluralism of this country when trying to isolate the ‘us’ from the ‘them-ness’.

I can’t and I shouldn’t go any further. I have absolutely loved this  book & if I were to completely share all my notes & highlights, this would just be a piece filled with spoilers. A must read. This is an author I have fallen in love with! His language skills, sarcasm, dry wit in the right places and ease of honestly putting forth and opinion – all are wonderful!

Doing decolonization work? Do read this book.

Want to push the Hindutva agenda? Do read this book.

Want to have a look at stories beyond text books? Do read this book.

Want to know an India beyond what your travel agent has told you about her? Do read this book for some insights of its history, culture & diversity.

Want to really understand if the Hinduphobia & Islamophobia is really a thing? Do read this book.

Yes, this book has generated a lot of emotional response for me – in terms of politics, political history, bigotry, casteism, present day prejudice & identiy. But, believe me, you will want to read this book.

Book Review: SHE-RO

She-Ro

~ Banu Priya Subramani

Read: April 12, 2020

This book needs a lot of editing & assistance with proofreading & layout. I might be mature audience for this work, but I read it.

It sounds like the book might be a real life story or an autobiography, but the work is poorly processed. Incidents seem to be strung together. Midway through the book, I felt like the author was in a rush to finish and pieced together memories.

A lot of facts seem to be poorly laid too. I couldn’t tell where the central character, Pravas’s, siblings were ordered, or how many siblings there were at all. I would like to feel more empathy for the character, but the way the story has been told, the only sense I could get was that this was a sob story of aggrandizing one’s victimization. Pravas has had a hard life, agreed. But the story constantly whines about how everyone around her hates her and has her worst interests at heart. There is hardly any maturity displayed around her own parents’ hardships or choice making. Instead, her penchant for watching movies and gaining strength from them is highlighted.

I understand that to be married by 14 and then have children by 16 is a very gutting experience, but the topics that are highlighted in the blurb are barely touched upon. Lust and sexual harassment simply brushed aside by having a child in the house? Seems a bit flimsy to me. Also, the constant emasculation of Svasta as a naive man incapable of anything is a way of strengthening oneself in words.

This book needs to be reworked. The author needs to retell the story with passion & do justice to the woman she seems to be platforming as a She-ro. The book needs other perspectives and depth drawn from the hardships instead of telling us about nematodes & wells that need to be dug deeper.

Families have skeletons, families have stories – Paras doesn’t seem to me to be a simple woman, but I feel she is a shrewd woman who has played her own part in the sour relationships with her family members. When one person has a problem with everyone around her – chances are the problem lies within her… and then her daughter, Aksha, growing up into another entitled brat after her parents having struggled as much as the story makes us believe.

I think this is just another vicious circle of generational patterns. It was a dull read although I’ll say a heartening one with the interest of educating the girl child. but plot-wise, not there yet.

Needs a lot of work… and much more heart.

My rating: 0.5/5

Book Review: A Killer Among US

A Killer Among Us

~ Ushasi Sen Basu

Read: April 11, 2020

Just what I needed to get me out of my lockdown reading lethargy. I was reading at snail’s pace for the past few weeks. I was also reading non-fiction with the reasoning that the book needed to be savored. It is true, they do. Yet, it was too much of non-fiction and I needed the right nudge with a quick work of fiction that would get my senses up. I finished it in less than 24 hours!!

Ushasi Sen Basu’s A Killer Among Us (AKAU) did just that.

After her last book, Kathputli, I was interested to read another of her works. Also, because I know her personally, I wanted to ensure (for myself) that I was able to objectively & subjectively review the book. Reason – I was just not able to go past a few pages of another friend’s work. That’s probably a theme for another blog post, but for now, AKAU.

Firstly, do not judge the book by its cover, right? I’m glad I had read the previous book and had an idea of what to expect between the book covers. This  book cover, was not appealing to me. I didn’t like it. So I’m glad I read the Kindle version.

It usually takes a few pages to get to the theme and setting of the plot. The author, thankfully, set the tone fairly quickly. The language was contemporary and well used – simple enough for anyone to read, yet with some choice vocabulary. This, I particularly note, because I know how the author speaks and the writing was not her voice. It took the voice of the characters and the plot.

Another note of interest was the fact that the plot predominantly exists in a residential complex – and the author & I are neighbors. I must admit I kept my eyes peeled for any similarities – and the afterword does justice to the fact that there is no similarity to any of our neighbors – though I’d love to have seen some! (Hahaha…. after all, the best way for an author to get even with people is to kill them in their stories!) My teensie hurt: the author didn’t account for her neighbors in Cinnamon & Saffron.

The book kept making me pause, think and try to guess whodunnit. For me, it was a page-turner to figure out who the killer was after all!

But, beyond the classic murder mystery, there were some interesting social issues that that author has consistently brought up in the narrative – and often with subtle grace without making it too obvious. I found this to be a gentle approach that could hold space for fence-sitters to at least bring to mind where they stand without having to necessarily buy into the author’s perspective on delicate matters – despite them being of significance. In this regard, I feel the author has used her experiences as a member of society to observe and put forward what could be the experiences of many other members in other residential complexes too.

I, personally, have noticed the hesitation in neighbors when it came to being of help when it came to matters of safety and especially, domestic help or sexual harrassment. The author’s awareness of the middle class reluctance to dip into the murky waters of standing by the victim was assuring.

“When your thing happened…it would have been easy to take the stronger side against you and no one would have blamed me for it. But I would have blamed me for it. Because I pride myself on knowing what’s right and what’s wrong.”

~ Mrs. Bhattacharjee

I felt that the characters could have had more depth, but with what was offered especially with two primary protagonists sharing their view of each other, it was good enough to create a mental image of the women.

And so… women!

I love that this book, again, gives a woman’s perspective and women centric narrative to a murder. The patriarchy and misogyny from the male association members (ugh!!) is well expressed and the dead man’s voice gives an eerie, hair raising insight into the thoughts of a disturbed & poorly conditioned mind.

Arre, what love will she find out there? A forty-year old divorcee with two children, bolo?

This one cut deep. Especially when the voice is a reflection of how society looks upon single women and divorcees. I must say that it was also good to hear because I have thought this myself, as a single parent, not necessarily with as much misgiving and pessimism, but one does think, doesn’t she? Or do we think because society gossips and makes us undermine ourselves? It was a worthy pause… until this one came along…

“You haven’t worked in a corporate for over a decade, there’s no way you can command anything close to a salary that will cover all our EMIs and bills.”

Oooh… the sting in this one! I’ve been there, I’ve heard very similar words. Thankfully, I was just away from work for about 2 years. While we work to inspire women to get back to work and do our bit to lift them out of their low morale, these messages that are constantly thrown at women almost are an indication to keep them home bound, not explore greater challenges, insist they embrace motherhood and homemaking beyond their love for home & hearth… and make it their identity.

I loved the simple, yet provoking questions the authored posited on behalf of Nandana, as she questioned her identity, her worth and her existence. It validated many experiences and I hope women take the time to pause & reflect beyond just a murder mystery.

The character vilification of single women in the residential community was nicely portrayed – from verbalizing the fears of ‘stealing women’s husbands‘ and the shake-my-head truth behind ‘Like you would even want to steal those husbands of their. Big old bellies and hair sprouting out of their ears.‘ It was hilarious, but gently preserved the reservations against single women – them being an ‘anomaly‘ that provoked strong reactions.

…as if any decent man in his right mind would even look at her that way. She had missed the bus.

The author neatly moves between conflicting and self deprecating but confused thoughts – because identity it not just about a romantic fling or clandestine relationship, it was beyond that. The loneliness, lack of attention, appreciation & acknowledgement from those the protagonist held dearest was shown and at the same time how those emotions were perceived & misunderstood by others was also nicely expressed.

This is a woman centric book – it revolves around women in our everyday lives – it speaks about us as and who we are, who we become in our everyday living. It shows the different shades women can take on – emotionally & mentally – the strength, grit, fallability, scope to falsify and leaning to pretence as well as the dark and sinister side of manipulation and ever capacity for causing harm and even murder.

The book is an exploration of women in society and how we behave as individuals in social circles – how we either build each other up and hold space for each other, or actively and insidiously work to break each other down. It highlights the gender disparity at work and at home, the pain that members of the LGBTQ community suffer when their ‘coming out’ is treated as a crime deserving shame, it shines light on the exclusive ladies groups in communities that cannot be penetrated, the hypocrisy and self-righteousness of men in power, the hurt of gossip and the thread of ‘what will people say?!‘ and the deep-rooted truth that neighbors often choose to remain bystanders.

I cannot help but also note that the author’s inclusion of an everyday activity, the skirting of ‘some treaded-in poop of dubious origin‘ reminded me of why I had christened her the ‘Poop Patrol’ where we stood every morning waiting for the school bus! Yes, authors bring everday observations to make their story telling more relatable and honest.

I enjoyed AKAU – very much. It was a simple read yet filled with possibilities to explore about how we live. It, very simply, made me feel heard & seen.

My rating: 4.5/5

Book Review: Lean In

Lean In

~ Sheryl Sandberg

Read: February 17, 2020

I loved this book!

It was candid and warm – yet delivered all the right messages to encourage women to step out and step up into their career choices. The book spoke with empathy of a woman having been there done that, and fully acknowledging her own privilege too.

**Contains spoilers**

There were many important points that stood out for me both as a part of my own career path as well as emotions or experiences that I had experienced but either not paid attention to or dismissed as irrelevant. While I did come into my own when it comes to pushing to lead, the corporate eye & view on how to make strides in corporate environments was like an inside story.

The following thoughts stayed with me:

• Knowing that things could be worse, shouldn’t stop us from trying to make them better.
• One of the reasons for Warren Buffett’s success is that he was competing with only half the population!
  • My thought at this brought up my ideas of this statement being a binary statement, but I got what she said.
• “More Women in Power” – Leymah Gbowee
• Mistakes women do of internalized negative messages.
  • I had written a note to make my own list. I think it is important to notice when we act out from conditioning – usually unknowingly. I’d like to start paying attention to that. At the time of typing out this review, I have forgotten having made this note, so I shall get to it soon after by reaching out for that part in the book and really get to it.
• Many of these girls watched their mothers try to ‘do it all’ & then decide that something had to give. That something was usually their careers.
  • This one stung. I had to pause and see what I was doing. I was working – I AM working. I am building my brand, my career, every single moment. The buck stops here. My daughter sees me and career differently.
• This gender gap in academic achievement has even caused some people to worry about the ‘end of men’.
• Career progression = risk taking + self advocacy; both traits that women are discouraged from exhibiting.
• Leadership Ambition Gap
  • My point of introspection here was about my own career choices when I was younger. I remember thinking that I didn’t want a C-level job for a brief period of time. Was it because I had young children and the sacrifice was going to land on my shoulders? Was the added responsibility at work going to add to my existing responsibilities of parenting (practically all my kids)?
• The stereotype of a working woman is rarely attractive.
• “I don’t know how she does it!”
  • I‘ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been asked this!
• Fear is the root of a lot of women’s barriers. Fear of not being likes, making wrong choices, over-reaching, success, failure, etc.
• Impostor sydrome
  • YIKES!!! I often surprise myself with how much I DO know about things. How I really do have expertise, yet, there is a part of me that surfaces at times wondering…
• We stereotype male and female qualities. If they go against that stereotype, we get upset. Women internalize these stereotypes.
• We put ourselves down before others can.
• Performance is highly dependent on the reaction people have to one another. So, participate in conversations.
• Own your outcome / achievements.
• Women don’t like negotiating.
• Ignore the remarks, just do the job.
• Careers are like a jungle gym
  • I’ve had 9 jobs so far. In my job, I had no woman pursuing change except one other colleague – but then she stagnated after the move. I moved up, down, laterally. My career has acquired skills, depth and success in various shades.
• Women executives are told scary tales of other women working moms and kids, making them feel the fear before even starting!
• Women do more housework and child care than men… Perhaps same sex couples divide household tasks more evenly?
  • I don’t think so. I think some roles are gendered and the couple decide their stereotyped leaning themselves.
• Make choices deliberately. There will be demands on your time, but you should know where to draw the line.
• ‘Done’ is better than perfection!
  • I have written this down in bold in my bujo!
• Equality at home: date men to see who is kind & values equality.
  • This is where I messed up.. lol
• Women are not just victims of sexism, they can also be perpetrators.
  • Of course! Indians know that very well #tongueincheek
• Mommy wars between moms who work outside the home v/s moms who work inside the home attract most attention. Validate one another moms!
• Feeling threatened by others choices, pulls us all down!
• True equality can only be achieved when we all fight the stereotypes that hold us back.

But there was one thing in the book that really didn’t go down well with me.

There was a mention of the woman, Sabeen Virani,  from Dubai who responded to Sandberg speaking about how she got toilets for women in the office of 300 people and she being the only woman. That is a far stretch, but believable.. BUT, she also went on to explain that the woman wrote to Sandberg about the plight of women in Dubai where at one meeting when the client took them out for a meal, she couldn’t attend because women weren’t allowed. I don’t understand this story and it doesn’t sound quite right.

Which made me squirm a bit about all the points that I highlighted about.

But, on the whole, I loved the book. I loved that it made me think on some parts, but largely made me feel heard & validated in experience in most other parts.

Would I recommend this book to other women? Definitely!