Book Review: Lean In

Lean In

~ Sheryl Sandberg

Read: February 17, 2020

I loved this book!

It was candid and warm – yet delivered all the right messages to encourage women to step out and step up into their career choices. The book spoke with empathy of a woman having been there done that, and fully acknowledging her own privilege too.

**Contains spoilers**

There were many important points that stood out for me both as a part of my own career path as well as emotions or experiences that I had experienced but either not paid attention to or dismissed as irrelevant. While I did come into my own when it comes to pushing to lead, the corporate eye & view on how to make strides in corporate environments was like an inside story.

The following thoughts stayed with me:

• Knowing that things could be worse, shouldn’t stop us from trying to make them better.
• One of the reasons for Warren Buffett’s success is that he was competing with only half the population!
  • My thought at this brought up my ideas of this statement being a binary statement, but I got what she said.
• “More Women in Power” – Leymah Gbowee
• Mistakes women do of internalized negative messages.
  • I had written a note to make my own list. I think it is important to notice when we act out from conditioning – usually unknowingly. I’d like to start paying attention to that. At the time of typing out this review, I have forgotten having made this note, so I shall get to it soon after by reaching out for that part in the book and really get to it.
• Many of these girls watched their mothers try to ‘do it all’ & then decide that something had to give. That something was usually their careers.
  • This one stung. I had to pause and see what I was doing. I was working – I AM working. I am building my brand, my career, every single moment. The buck stops here. My daughter sees me and career differently.
• This gender gap in academic achievement has even caused some people to worry about the ‘end of men’.
• Career progression = risk taking + self advocacy; both traits that women are discouraged from exhibiting.
• Leadership Ambition Gap
  • My point of introspection here was about my own career choices when I was younger. I remember thinking that I didn’t want a C-level job for a brief period of time. Was it because I had young children and the sacrifice was going to land on my shoulders? Was the added responsibility at work going to add to my existing responsibilities of parenting (practically all my kids)?
• The stereotype of a working woman is rarely attractive.
• “I don’t know how she does it!”
  • I‘ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been asked this!
• Fear is the root of a lot of women’s barriers. Fear of not being likes, making wrong choices, over-reaching, success, failure, etc.
• Impostor sydrome
  • YIKES!!! I often surprise myself with how much I DO know about things. How I really do have expertise, yet, there is a part of me that surfaces at times wondering…
• We stereotype male and female qualities. If they go against that stereotype, we get upset. Women internalize these stereotypes.
• We put ourselves down before others can.
• Performance is highly dependent on the reaction people have to one another. So, participate in conversations.
• Own your outcome / achievements.
• Women don’t like negotiating.
• Ignore the remarks, just do the job.
• Careers are like a jungle gym
  • I’ve had 9 jobs so far. In my job, I had no woman pursuing change except one other colleague – but then she stagnated after the move. I moved up, down, laterally. My career has acquired skills, depth and success in various shades.
• Women executives are told scary tales of other women working moms and kids, making them feel the fear before even starting!
• Women do more housework and child care than men… Perhaps same sex couples divide household tasks more evenly?
  • I don’t think so. I think some roles are gendered and the couple decide their stereotyped leaning themselves.
• Make choices deliberately. There will be demands on your time, but you should know where to draw the line.
• ‘Done’ is better than perfection!
  • I have written this down in bold in my bujo!
• Equality at home: date men to see who is kind & values equality.
  • This is where I messed up.. lol
• Women are not just victims of sexism, they can also be perpetrators.
  • Of course! Indians know that very well #tongueincheek
• Mommy wars between moms who work outside the home v/s moms who work inside the home attract most attention. Validate one another moms!
• Feeling threatened by others choices, pulls us all down!
• True equality can only be achieved when we all fight the stereotypes that hold us back.

But there was one thing in the book that really didn’t go down well with me.

There was a mention of the woman, Sabeen Virani,  from Dubai who responded to Sandberg speaking about how she got toilets for women in the office of 300 people and she being the only woman. That is a far stretch, but believable.. BUT, she also went on to explain that the woman wrote to Sandberg about the plight of women in Dubai where at one meeting when the client took them out for a meal, she couldn’t attend because women weren’t allowed. I don’t understand this story and it doesn’t sound quite right.

Which made me squirm a bit about all the points that I highlighted about.

But, on the whole, I loved the book. I loved that it made me think on some parts, but largely made me feel heard & validated in experience in most other parts.

Would I recommend this book to other women? Definitely!